Thursday, November 13, 2008

Yesterday, Tomorrow, Today

I am always thinking. Thinking about yesterday, what happened and how I handled it. Thinking about tomorrow, what am I going to go through and how am I going to handle it? When you have a disease like psoriatic arthritis you never know how you are going to feel from one day to the next. So life is a waiting game. I usually can't make any plans too far ahead. The only plans that I can make are my doctors appointments because I have to go to those.SO if I have a good day I try to make the best of it. Which is actually kind of hard believe it or not. When a day comes where I actually feel better, I have to try to rearrange life to be able to do things I normally either can't do or aren't up to doing. Today I am feeling better, physically. I could be better emotionally but I am a bit frazzled by the fact that my husband has to work, and can't seem to be able to get out of it. So, on a day where I feel better and want to take full advantage of the day, I can't. Not to mention, I want my husband near me right now. I love him so much. And when I feel better I actually don't want to be away from him. When my days are going rough like usual, I always feel so guilty for not having more to offer him every single say.
I am so blessed to still be with THE ONLY MAN I have ever truly been in love with. I feel like these days when I feel better I can use the day as an opportunity to refuel on the joys in life. Kind of like a camel filling up and using it's hump when food is scarce, I fill up on the joys and fulfilling things and use my heart and memories (or my as a source of joy when the times are scarce. Now don't get me wrong.. I have many sources of joy that still exist when I am having a bad day but I am talking about the things that I rarely get to do. Things that bring a lot of joy to my family, and I. The things that healthy people take for granted. Things that families with healthy family members take for granted. Like being able to go to dinner and enjoy yourself, or putting up our Christmas tree, taking the dogs to the
dog park. So many things to do not enough time to do it in. I have spent the last week since I started writing this post trying to reconnect with my husband. And don't get it twisted, it's not like it sounds. My husband and I always spend time together and there is always a degree of closeness. But that closeness is always somehow been held in place by my disease and all that goes with it first..then our love; and, I don't like that feeling. So what I meant by reconnect was I have been trying to spend time doing things with him that didn't involve my illness, or our finances. Doing things that focus on us. Like what we used to do together when we first started dating, when there was nothing in the world to worry about but just being with one another. I love this man with all my heart. And I am going to spend every chance I get making sure he knows that. I guess one thing I can say is I have to learn to move on and learn from yesterday, look forward to tomorrow, and live for today.
Until Tomorrow! God Bless, Peace and Love-Tress

1 comment:

  1. Friend,
    I have heard from smart biblical teachers/ preachers that, many times Satan the Devil stirs up bad memories from the past seeking to drag you [us] down into sorrow, despair and depression. If we as Christians understand the Bible and how God loves us, we then know how to differentiate between normal feelings of guilt--opposed to Satan's relentless battle for our soul! When we confess our sins to God, we are FORGIVEN! No use in constantly bringing up the past. I have the same problem that you do!

    That is why I am sharing this message with you.
    Please email me:
    God Bless You and your family.